Getting To Know You
by PepperF
Summary: Email circular as answered by SGC personnel. Shamelessly borrowed without permission, for which I apologise to people from the XMen fandom. SJ. Fluff.
1. Getting To Know Janet

A/N: This was an idea I originally read as an X-Men fic: http://www.seperis. illuminatedtext. com / movieverse / gettingindex. html. I've stolen some of their questions, for which they haven't given me permission, so I hope they forgive me. All the answers to the questions, however, are my own writing. Not that I own the characters, either...

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Rules, guys: Hit 'Reply to All' (that's the button with the two people and the purple swooshy arrow, Colonel O'Neill), put your answers in, hit 'Send' (the one with the little envelope, Colonel), and everyone else do the same. Okay? 

- JF

-----Original Message-----  
From: Cassie  
Sent: 22 November 2001 10:34  
To: Dr Mom  
Subject: Getting to Know You

NAME: Major Doctor Janet Frasier, MD.

SEX: Female.

HOME: Colorado Springs, with my daughter Cassie. And Jack the dog. Have I mentioned recently, Colonel O'Neill, how happy I am that you bought my daughter a dog without my permission?

HEIGHT: Oh, rub it in why don't you. Short people are statistically healthier and more likely to succeed in life, you know. 5'2", okay?

HAIR: Auburn.

EYES: Brown.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?: I'm well, thank you.

WHAT COLOUR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Green. Scrubs. I'm going to do rounds in a minute.

CAN YOU JUGGLE?: Only big things. Like my career and my home life.

FAVORITE SMELL: Antiseptic. What?

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: Grease is the word!

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?: Breakfast. Toast, oj, and a banana.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IN 10 YEARS?: Still dealing with patients. I don't want to become one of those doctors who just swans in and consults.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Losing a patient.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Saving a patient.

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT THIS MORNING?: I'm damn well gonna get Jack neutered, I don't care what Cassie says. That's Jack the dog, people, get your minds out of the gutter.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?: Oh for pete's sake... Red.

LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: Siler. He's having some trouble with his bandages.

WHAT YOU NOTICE FIRST ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: Their complexion. It's a doctor thing.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FAIRGROUND RIDE?: Dodgems. I'm very good at them. They're designed for short people.

FAVORITE SNAPPLE: Snapple is full of sugar and additives and you shouldn't drink it. Have proper juice, or water.

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Male beach volleyball. Oh, baby, yeah.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Biro. I don't worry about what I'm writing with.

WHAT YOU'RE NOT: Dependent.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Unfortunately, yes. It makes idiots of us all at some point.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Oh, been there, done that, got the divorce papers. Dream my sweet patooie. Nightmare is more like it.

TATTOOS – WHERE AND WHAT?: Probably the Rod of Asclepius – unoriginal, I know, but I don't actually want a tattoo. And Cassie is never, ever getting my permission.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Broccoli is good for you. Full of vitamins.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED TOYS?: Yes, but they all belong to Cassie, I swear. She just... neglects them. And then I feel guilty. And... ah hell.

CATS OR DOGS?: Cats. Colonel, please take note. I like **cats**.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: No, it just gets in the way. I'd rather have some sort of transporter to get me straight from home to work, or wherever. Sam, you wanna make that your next project? And don't say it's impossible – I saw you working on that particle beam thingy for the Colonel. If he's worth doing the impossible for, isn't your best friend?

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: At work, shots of the best, worst, and weirdest of the SGC's injuries and illnesses. At home, some nice prints, photos of Cassie, things like that.

STAR SIGN: Scorpio.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: No.

FAVORITE FOOD: A nice, juicy steak. But I don't indulge too often.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Wine or vodka. Or a Sea Breeze, they're nice.

FAVORITE ITEM: An inscribed ear-and-eye torch, presented to me by SG-1.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: Lilo & Stitch. Cassie's choice, I swear! Having a daughter is the **best** excuse.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?: Spending time with Cassie.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: Happy endings. They make me cry in a good way. And I see enough blood and gore in my real life.

WINTER OR SUMMER?: Summer. Hello, Texan?

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Oh yes. I type like a maniac. All those years in med school, writing essays and theses... good training for the reports this place generates.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: My shoe drawer. I love my shoes.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?: No. Doctors know how to hide the evidence.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Yes, and bad hayfever, too, but I have access to lots of lovely drugs for that sort of thing.

HUGS OR KISSES?: Whatever affection's on offer. I get more hugs than kisses these days.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla. But with praline swirled in.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Neither. Salad is healthier without.

FAVORITE NUMBER: Who has a favorite number? Oh, of course, Sam will. I guess I have to go with 98.2.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: If I want to get it before my daughter does, one.

THUNDERSTORMS – COOL OR SCARY?: A little scary. Me and Cassie protect each other.

LAST BOOK YOU READ: 'The Yellow Wallpaper & Other Stories' by Charlotte Perkins Gilmour.

WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?: A flying one. Sam, honey...?

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: A picture Cassie drew of me, when she was younger. I got it printed onto a mouse mat.

FAVORITE TV SHOW?: ER. It's hilarious. And George Clooney is welcome to come practice in my infirmary any day.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE ALIVE, DEAD OR IMAGINARY, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Edith Cavell.

GUYS - WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: One of the perks of being a doctor is that guys **always** have to give up their shirts for you. ;)

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: This one, but with more time and money.

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS: Cassie, honey, thanks – I'm sure everyone will enjoy this. Now shouldn't you be getting on with some homework?

WHO ON THE LIST IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL?: Sam or Daniel, if they're involved in some project. They're also least likely to eat lunch, or remember to go home and sleep at the end of the day.

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	2. Getting To Know Jack

Funny, Doc. Very funny. For a doctor you make a great comedian. 

Hey, this is going to MacKenzie. Is there something I should know?

- Jack.

-----Original Message-----  
From: Frasier, Maj. Dr. Janet, MD  
Sent: 22 November 2001 14:25  
To: Carter, Maj. S; Coombs, Dr. S; Davis, Maj. P; Felger, Dr. J; Ferretti, Maj. L; Hammond, Maj. Gen. G; Harriman, Sgt. W.D.; Jackson, Dr. D; Lee, Dr. B; Loewen, Dr. C; MacKenzie, Dr. E; O'Neill, Col. J; Nyan; Siler, Mstr. Sgt. S; Simmons, Lt. G; Teal'c;  
Subject: Getting to Know You

NAME: Colonel Jack J. O'Neill (and no, you don't get to know what the J stands for. Hell, most of you've probably sneaked a look at my files already. Nosy bunch.)

SEX: No comment.

HOME: The Springs, mostly. But at heart a sweet little cabin in Minnesota, with a lake and plenty of trees. I like **Earth** trees.

HEIGHT: 6'1.5. Hey, that .5 is very important, you know?

HAIR: Grey. Sigh. But someone said that was sexy. How's the hangover, Major?

EYES: Brown. Chocolate brown, as someone was heard to describe them recently. God I love tequila.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?: Fine. The knees aren't great, but that's just the usual background aches.

WHAT COLOUR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Green camouflage, like the rest of my team - except Danny. Heh. Who'da thunk he'd still fall for that old one?

CAN YOU JUGGLE?: Yes! I'm quite good at it, too, if I do say so myself.

FAVORITE SMELL: Those chocolate pastry cookie things on that planet with the big-ass market. P-something-or-other... Carter, you remember?

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: The Wizard of Oz! Hail Dorothy.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?: Coupla bagels and a coffee for breakfast.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IN 10 YEARS?: Re. Tired. **Again**. If I do it enough, it's gotta stick sometime, right?

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Pass.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Spending time with the people I care about. Preferably whilst fishing. Carter? Daniel? Teal'c? You up for a trip this weekend?

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT THIS MORNING?: As I recall, it was a three-step process: 1) Oh my god, I think something died in my head. I hate tequila. 2) Who the hell is-? 3) **God** I love tequila!

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?: Who the hell thought up these questions? Purple.

LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: Carter. To ask if she'd fill this damn thing in for me. She knows me well enough by now.

WHAT YOU NOTICE FIRST ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: I decline to answer that on the grounds that it might be taken in evidence against me.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FAIRGROUND RIDE?: Rollercoasters, I guess. Fairgrounds are pretty boring. So not comparable to going through the Gate, or flying a plane, or... hell, a lot of the things I've done. I liked 'em when I was a kid, though.

FAVORITE SNAPPLE: Iced tea.

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Ice hockey. It's the only way.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Either, so long as I can doodle without Hammond noticing.

WHAT YOU'RE NOT: A pacifist.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes. Twice. I don't know why I got so lucky.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: One that isn't interrupted by an intergalactic emergency. And there's cake. Lots of cake. And very few people. Maybe a coupla aliens, just for that exotic touch.

TATTOOS – WHERE AND WHAT?: Don't like 'em. If I had to have one... I guess it'd probably be something Simpsons. On my ass. Heh. Or maybe the Earth Gate address, for if I get lost or have my memory wiped, or... except that'd be pretty stupid when it came to keeping secrets from the enemy. "No, I won't tell you the address." "Hey, what's that written on your ass?" "D'oh!"

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Only when unless forced at gunpoint. Man, that was a weird-ass planet.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED TOYS?: Absolutely not. I'd rather cuddle a person than a toy. Uh, and I'll hunt you down and kill you if you tell anyone I said that.

CATS OR DOGS?: Dogs. Dogs are my favorite people. I'm gonna get one, one of these days. Probably a lab. Chocolate-colored. To go with my EYES.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Love it. But not with my whole team on a long journey, because can anyone say annoying? How about childish?

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: In my **room**? What am I, ten? Don't answer that. On the walls in the house that I own there's pictures and stuff, a big honkin' fish that my grandad caught and had stuffed, a few photos... the usual.

STAR SIGN: I dunno. Who cares? It's all crap. Someone carrying scales or water or something.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I did, mostly.

FAVORITE FOOD: Guinness. And pizza. And cake, of course.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Beer. Or good whiskey.

FAVORITE ITEM: Photo album.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: Some lame-ass sci-fi thing that Teal'c rented. Cool fights, though.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?: Fishing, hopefully. And watching the game, stargazing, drinking beer...

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: Sad-but-happy endings. You know, like Casablanca.

WINTER OR SUMMER?: Winter. In Minnesota. Nothing like cuddling up by the fire when it's below zero outside, and the wind's howling around the cabin...

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: There are right keys? Which ones? Major, you're good at typing, come give me a lesson. My office, 1700 hrs.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: That'd be classified. But it's mostly socks and fluff.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?: Um... yeah. Several times. In several countries. Heck, in several galaxies, if you really wanna know.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Nope.

HUGS OR KISSES?: Kisses. But sometimes you've gotta just take what you can get.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Chocolate, preferably in cake form.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Both. I like my salads to have plenty of protein. Hell, leave the lettuce, just gimme the croutons and bacon bits. And ranch dressing. And some cheese. Shutup, Doc.

FAVORITE NUMBER: Carter's IQ.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: As many as possible. Some people take the hint. Unless it's the SGC with another intergalactic emergency, in which case I answer as soon as possible. Of course.

THUNDERSTORMS – COOL OR SCARY?: Cool. Except when you're stuck nine clicks from the goddamn Gate with no rain gear because someone who shall remain nameless, Major, said we wouldn't need it.

LAST BOOK YOU READ: Er... 'Guns, Germs & Steel: The Fate Of Human Societies' by Jared Diamond.

WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?: 1960 Chevy Corvette. In turquoise.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Homer Simpson.

FAVORITE TV SHOW?: Simpsons, duh. Anyone seeing the theme yet?

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE ALIVE, DEAD OR IMAGINARY, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Uh, Matt Groening. Or maybe that bastard Ba'al. I'd like to meet him again. I have plans.

GUYS - WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: Any time she asks. So long as I can keep my vest on. Hey, I get cold. And I'm not a frickin' twenty-year-old any more, alright?

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: This one. Sappy but true. Or this one but with added free time and less rules. I think I'd like to be a space pirate, too. Or an ice hockey player.

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS: Doc Frasier is... a good sport who won't stick me full of needles next mission? Please? I'm sorry about the dog, but that was years ago, for cryin' out loud!

WHO ON THE LIST IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL?: Daniel, because he just brought back that rock thing from the last mission, so he's not going to read emails, eat lunch, or leave his office for the next 36 hours. That reminds me, I'd better go bring him a sandwich or something, or he's gonna starve.

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	3. Getting To Know Sam

Why do you make me do these things, Janet? Why??? 

- Sam.

-----Original Message-----  
From: Frasier, Maj. Dr. Janet, MD  
Sent: 22 November 2001 14:25  
To: Carter, Maj. S; Coombs, Dr. S; Davis, Maj. P; Felger, Dr. J; Ferretti, Maj. L; Hammond, Maj. Gen. G; Harriman, Sgt. W.D.; Jackson, Dr. D; Lee, Dr. B; Loewen, Dr. C; MacKenzie, Dr. E; O'Neill, Col. J; Nyan; Siler, Mstr. Sgt. S; Simmons, Lt. G; Teal'c;  
Subject: Getting to Know You

NAME: Major Sam Carter, PhD. **Not** Samantha, Sammie, or any variation thereof, thank you very much.

SEX: Yes, pl... uh, Female. (God that's such an old joke.)

HOME: Colorado Springs, Colorado, North America, Earth, the Milky Way...

HEIGHT: 5'9".

HAIR: Blonde and short. Easy to maintain, but when it's bad, it's very **very** bad. Man I miss having long hair.

EYES: Blue.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?: Fine, thanks. The hangover's pretty much gone.

WHAT COLOUR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Green camouflage. I prefer blue cammo.

CAN YOU JUGGLE?: No but Colonel O'Neill keeps threatening to teach me.

FAVORITE SMELL: Gasoline. Speed-freak.

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: Dirty Dancing. Mock all you like. Just don't forget that I can build a machine that will vaporize you in 0.0000000003162 nanoseconds, and then I can travel back in time and make sure you **never** existed. I'm just mentioning.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?: Wow, is it that time already? I vaguely remember some nachos yesterday evening...

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IN 10 YEARS?: Shh. Don't tell the Colonel I'm after his job.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Screwing up in a way that affects someone else.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Achieving the so-called impossible.

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT THIS MORNING?: "Oh god, I'm never drinking tequila again. Hey, I don't remember owning those curtains..."

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?: Sky Blue.

LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: Colonel O'Neill. He wanted me to fill out this for him. Apparently he thinks I have unlimited time to waste.

WHAT YOU NOTICE FIRST ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: Eyes and hands. Eyes that laugh are my favorite. And nice, strong, tanned hands, with long fingers and neat nails... ooh.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FAIRGROUND RIDE?: Uh... wow, it's been a long time since I went to a fairground. I guess the rollercoaster – most exciting thing there. Nothing comes close to actual flying, though.

FAVORITE SNAPPLE: Kiwi Strawberry. But if they ever bring out a blue one, it'll be my favorite.

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Daniel-baiting, as perfected by a certain Colonel.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Whiteboard marker.

WHAT YOU'RE NOT: Tense! I don't know how I got that reputation!

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Oh god yes. Life would be infinitely simpler if I hadn't. But also infinitely less rich.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Something fairly simple. Dress, cake, good friends. Pink roses - I always wanted pink roses. No sudden emergencies.

TATTOOS – WHERE AND WHAT?: I have one. I plead the Fifth as to the details. Need-to-know only.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Yes, mom.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED TOYS?: No! Who says I do?

CATS OR DOGS?: Cats are my favorite, but I'd be happy with a dog, too.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: I love love **love** to drive.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: It's mostly wall-to-wall machinery, computers, that sort of... Oh. You mean the walls in my **house? **::blushes:: Framed prints, some photos. I don't spend that much time at home.

STAR SIGN: Capricorn. Impulsive, reliable in emergencies, creative, shy but aggressive, trustworthy, jealous, selfish, moody, ambitious, status-conscious, hard-working, kind, dry sense of humor...

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I got along great with my mom. My dad... sometimes. Better in recent years.

FAVORITE FOOD: I'm going to have to go with the obvious and say blue jell-o here.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: **Not** tequila. Red wine, maybe.

FAVORITE ITEM: My laptop. ::hugs::

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: Aeon Flux. Teal'c's choice.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?: Possibly going fishing. Or working. I haven't decided yet.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: Happy endings. There's usually less bad science in that sort of movie.

WINTER OR SUMMER?: Winter. I love ice skating, woolly hats, gloves and scarves, hot apple and cinnamon drinks, snowball fights...

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Yes. Best recorded typing speed? 2365 w.p.m. ::smug:: Of course, that was under the influence of alien technology, but still... And okay, sir, I'll give you a lesson if it'll mean you actually get your reports written on time.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: Carpet fluff, the odd science magazine, a couple of novels, one of Schrödinger's old toys, some machinery that I fiddle with when I can't sleep.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?: Not on this planet. Speeding tickets don't count do they?

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Nah. Wouldn't be much of a pilot if I did, would I? I have been known to get Gatesick... but then I fixed the Gate.

HUGS OR KISSES?: Depends who with and under what circumstances. Some people are so good at hugging, you never want them to let you go. But sometimes a kiss would be... nice. ::sigh::

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Chocolate. I love chocolate. Oh holy Hannah, I've just remembered something I said last night. I **hate** tequila.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Croutons. On a nice Caesar salad. Can someone please explain to the commissary staff that bacon bits aren't part of that recipe?

FAVORITE NUMBER: Pi.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: One. I run. What? I'm just... efficient.

THUNDERSTORMS – COOL OR SCARY?: Cool! I'm a thunderstorm nut.

LAST BOOK YOU READ: 'The Farthest Things In The Universe' – Pasachoff, Spinrad, Osmer, Cheng. It was a good laugh.

WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?: Oh, boy... I have a list. I probably shouldn't get into that right now.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Aw, man, is this thing set up? Look, it was a present, okay? MacGyver. ::blushes::

FAVORITE TV SHOW?: Er... MacGyver.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE ALIVE, DEAD OR IMAGINARY, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Hm. Fibonacci, perhaps. Or Einstein.

GUYS - WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: How about if I ask nicely and flutter my eyelashes? You'd be surprised how often that works. Men are so predictable. Most of 'em, anyway.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: This one! Yay! Go my job!

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS: Janet is my bestest friend ever, she's a star, a great doctor, and I'm glad to know her and to have her watching my back... I'm not very good at giving compliments.

WHO ON THE LIST IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL?: Daniel 'cause I know he's busy.

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	4. Getting To Know Daniel

Why does everyone think I won't do this? I needed a break, anyhow. 

- Daniel.

-----Original Message-----  
From: Frasier, Maj. Dr. Janet, MD  
Sent: 22 November 2001 14:25  
To: Carter, Maj. S; Coombs, Dr. S; Davis, Maj. P; Felger, Dr. J; Ferretti, Maj. L; Hammond, Maj. Gen. G; Harriman, Sgt. W.D.; Jackson, Dr. D; Lee, Dr. B; Loewen, Dr. C; MacKenzie, Dr. E; O'Neill, Col. J; Nyan; Siler, Mstr. Sgt. S; Simmons, Lt. G; Teal'c;  
Subject: Getting to Know You

NAME: Daniel Jackson.

SEX: Male.

HOME: ...is where the heart is.

HEIGHT: 6' exactly.

HAIR: Brown.

EYES: Blue and shortsighted.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?: I'm good, thanks. How're you?

WHAT COLOUR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Blue camouflage. Jack told me it was blue today. Bastard.

CAN YOU JUGGLE?: No. I was never very good at the whole hand-eye coordination thing.

FAVORITE SMELL: Baking bread made from yafeta flour that I'd ground myself whilst my wife watched and laughed at me.

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: Um, I really don't watch that much TV... I liked the theme tune to Star Wars.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?: Breakfast, I think. I can't remember. It was probably waffles and coffee, that's what I usually get.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IN 10 YEARS?: With people I love.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Losing someone I love, and being helpless to stop it.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Getting my own back on people who pull practical jokes at my expense. Jack.

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT THIS MORNING?: "Coffee." It's the first thing I think every morning.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?: Er... I don't know, does it matter? Okay, blue, to go with my eyes. And my clothes, today. I hate you, Jack.

LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: I don't think I've spoken to anyone on the phone today... It must be Jack, yesterday, then. I called to say I was running late and they should start without me. They did, thank god, because I can't hold my drink, so I needed that advantage. I didn't get half as drunk as a certain member of Air Force personnel whose proclamations under the influence shall go un-gossiped-about if she promises to stick up for me with her boss the next time I want to take another couple of hours to look at some ruins.

WHAT YOU NOTICE FIRST ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: It depends – every person has something different that you notice first about them. With my wife, it was her eyes, and the way she was glaring at me. With Sam I noticed her smile, and with Janet I noticed her hands, and the way they moved so fast.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FAIRGROUND RIDE?: Er... I haven't been to one since I was a child. I used to like those things with all the moving floors and stuff.

FAVORITE SNAPPLE: Fruit Punch, of course. How could anyone prefer anything else?

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: I've learnt to endure ice hockey, if only for my own sanity.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Pencil. Or pen, if there's a convenient surface. Stop laughing, Jack.

WHAT YOU'RE NOT: Going to put up with Jack's practical jokes.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes, with my wife. I thought I'd been in love before then, but nothing compares to the real thing.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Desert sands, simple ceremony, the woman I love. Who needs any more?

TATTOOS – WHERE AND WHAT?: One small one, on my left buttock. It's the Abydonian glyph for 'husband'. Hurt like hell.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: I don't pay much attention to what I'm eating, so yes, if it's in front of me.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED TOYS?: No, but I own a surprising amount. People like to give them to me when I'm in hospital, and as that happens quite a lot...

CATS OR DOGS?: Cats, I think. I'd like one of those cat-like creatures from P8F 846. They were really cute. But I think my neighbors would notice if I brought one home. Green and blue stripes do not an inconspicuous pet make.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: I like being **able** to drive. I don't particularly enjoy the process, but I like the independence. Just driving... that's more Sam or Jack's sort of thing. They're both nuts about moving vehicles.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Some of my collection from around the universe. Memories.

STAR SIGN: Cancer. Apparently it's the sign that loves history, and collecting things, so maybe there's something in all that. Allegedly though Cancerians are great cooks, so maybe not.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I remember a fight or two, but mostly just the good times. My parents gave me an education like no one else has ever had. I owe them a lot.

FAVORITE FOOD: I'm not really a foodie. I **don't** like MRE's, though. Why do they always taste like chicken? It's disturbing. There was some lovely fruit, sort of like a cross between a peach and a strawberry, on this one planet. Oh, but they had that side-effect... I can't believe I forgot about that. Maybe not them.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Skaara's moonshine.

FAVORITE ITEM: A copy of 'Tales of Ancient Egypt' by Roger Lancelyn Green. My parents bought it for me when I was five – they used to read me the stories to get me to sleep at night. I never looked back.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: Um, something of Teal'c's. Sci-fi.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?: Avoiding at all costs a trip to Mosquito Central.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: Happy endings.

WINTER OR SUMMER?: Summer. I'm used to living in hot places. But then again, it doesn't make too much difference to me as most of my life is spent either hundreds of meters underground, or on different planets, all at completely different times of year and with different weather systems.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Yes, mostly. I never really learnt properly, but I type fast through practice.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: I don't remember. A lot of no doubt ancient and valuable stuff. I'll excavate it sometime.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?: Many times. Not recently on this planet. Aliens like to arrest me, for some reason. Jack claims it's because I'm always touching their stuff. I can usually talk my way out of it, though.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Yeah. In cars when they stop and start, and stop and start... urgh.

HUGS OR KISSES?: Hugs from friends, kisses from lovers. Silly question. Jack, for instance, gives good hugs when needed, but who'd want to be kissed by him? I mean, aside from the **obvious**.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Hm. A little of both? With chocolate sprinkles.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Oh, croutons, definitely. Those bacon bits are just worrying.

FAVORITE NUMBER: Two.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: Depends on how far I am from the phone. I can never find my mobile, so it usually rings out before I get to it. Same goes for my home phone – I should never have bought a cordless. But in the office, it's right there, so maybe one or two.

THUNDERSTORMS – COOL OR SCARY?: Cool to watch. Not so cool to be out in. But Sam wasn't to know, Jack – it was a weird, freakish, **alien** thunderstorm, and didn't show up on any of the equipment. You've got to let it go sometime.

LAST BOOK YOU READ: I'm in the middle of reading a text at the moment, actually. It's not a book as such – it's been inscribed on to a series of stone tablets. Fascinating, though. It details some of the religious myths of the people of – well, their name for themselves isn't actually typeable on this keyboard. But they seem to be related in some way to the temples of Khajuraho, in Madhya Pradesh... Okay, I'll save it for the briefing. But it's very exciting.

WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?: Something that works without me having to think about it. I quite like the look of some of those classic European cars, Aston Martins and Jaguars and the like.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: My mouse. Oh, you mean the picture? Egyptian hieroglyphs. My office has kind of a theme.

FAVORITE TV SHOW?: Anything on the History Channel. I don't really watch TV much. I'm not even sure if I still have one. Hmm, should check that, next time I'm home...

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE ALIVE, DEAD OR IMAGINARY, WHO WOULD IT BE?: I have a long, long list. I can't possibly choose. I always thought I'd get along with Antipater of Sidon, though – the first person to list the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.

GUYS - WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: Of course, why not?

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: This one, forever. But with less killing and evil bad guys. I'd like to be able to explore the universe without having to pack guns.

SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS: Janet is a good doctor, a good friend, and an extremely caring individual with an unwavering moral compass.

WHO ON THE LIST IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL?: General Hammond, I guess.

* * *

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* * *


	5. Getting To Know Jack and Sam Even Better

A/N: This needs to be read in the style of a series of sent emails - i.e. from the bottom up. Otherwise it'll make even less sense.

P.S. I'm clearly deranged.

* * *

* * *

Come on up, Carter.

- J.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:56  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

It's almost 1700hrs, sir. I'm about to head to your office to give you a typing lesson. Perhaps we could continue this discussion in person?

- SC.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:55  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

Perhaps the new curtains need to give it a go, then. They might discover that a person giving up a pair of Bart Simpsons curtains is not the end of the world.

- J.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:53  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

The new curtains aren't unsure. They are positive that they would love to be your curtains. They've never been more sure of anything in their life. They just need to get their head around the idea that it's sometimes okay to put personal considerations before duty towards the Simpsons.

- SC.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:52  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

I will always love my Bart Simpsons curtains. But they can't last forever. My knees wouldn't stand it, for a start. Besides, there are other people out there, with Bart Simpsons curtains, doing their duty – I'm not the only one for the job. Sometimes a guy needs to accept that and move on whilst he still has a chance of enjoying a full life with his new curtains. And if the new curtains think that I'd be in the slightest bit unhappy with the change, then the new curtains are – with all due respect – completely nuts.

But if the new curtains aren't sure, then I can hang on to the old curtains until they're ready.

- J.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:49  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

I would imagine that a new pair of curtains would be honored by your hopes for them. But perhaps they might worry that you would miss your old curtains too much, and how that might affect the relationship between you and the new curtains. After all, you've always been pretty committed to the Simpsons.

- SC.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:46  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

I was drunk too, but I clearly remember explaining that the... curtains... weren't so important to me as they used to be. I've had these curtains for a long time now. I've done my duty by the curtains. I've been thinking what life would be like without the curtains, and it's an appealing picture.

But I also don't want to put undue pressure on a new pair of curtains.

- J.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:42  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

It makes me do stupid things that I wouldn't do under normal circumstances, sir. I wouldn't want you to give up your curtains.

- SC.

p.s. Yes. For a birthday present. For my ten-year-old nephew.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:40  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

Inebriation rarely holds up as a defense in a court of law, you know. It rids one of one's inhibitions - doesn't make you do anything you don't want to do. And the curtains are negotiable. I'd give them up for the right reasons.

- J.

p.s. You "know for a fact"? Have you perhaps been looking up Simpsons-themed bedroom furnishings yourself, Major?

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:37  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

I blame my extreme state of Tequila-induced drunkenness. I cannot be held responsible for anything I said or did.

- SC.

p.s. They're kids' curtains! I know for a fact that they don't make them for adults!

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:33  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

What's wrong with my curtains? You found them funny yesterday, if you'll recall. Or has that been lost in the alcoholic fog?

- J.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:31  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

A criticism of my sense of humor would carry more weight if you didn't have Bart Simpson on your bedroom curtains.

Sir.

- SC.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:27  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

That joke was funnier in the original Latin, you know.

- J.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:24  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

So can I.

- SC.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:22  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

Yes!

- J.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:21  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

Can you keep a secret, sir?

- SC.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:16  
To: Carter, Maj. S;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

D'oh!

- J.O'N.

p.s. Don't give me that 'due respect' crap. And I have the highest known security clearance known to man or dog.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:05  
To: O'Neill, Col. J;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

For god's sake, sir, don't hit 'Reply all'! That email went to the entire list! Please take note of the 'Reply' button – the one with just **one** little face.

- SC.

p.s. And is that an order? Because if not, with all due respect, you don't have high enough clearance.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: O'Neill, Col. J  
Sent: 22 November 2001 16:01  
To: Carter, Maj. S; Coombs, Dr. S; Davis, Maj. P; Felger, Dr. J; Ferretti, Maj. L; Frasier, Maj. Dr. Janet, MD; Hammond, Maj. Gen. G; Harriman, Sgt. W.D.; Jackson, Dr. D; Lee, Dr. B; Loewen, Dr. C; MacKenzie, Dr. E; Nyan; Siler, Mstr. Sgt. S; Simmons, Lt. G; Teal'c;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

I need to know, Carter.

- J.O'N.

* * *

-----Original Message-----  
From: Carter, Maj. S  
Sent: 22 November 2001 15:47  
To: Coombs, Dr. S; Davis, Maj. P; Felger, Dr. J; Ferretti, Maj. L; Frasier, Maj. Dr. Janet, MD; Hammond, Maj. Gen. G; Harriman, Sgt. W.D.; Jackson, Dr. D; Lee, Dr. B; Loewen, Dr. C; MacKenzie, Dr. E; O'Neill, Col. J; Nyan; Siler, Mstr. Sgt. S; Simmons, Lt. G; Teal'c;  
Subject: Re: Getting to Know You

TATTOOS – WHERE AND WHAT?: I have one. I plead the Fifth as to the details. Need-to-know only.


End file.
